I found this video on a Facebook page call SOML [Story of my Life] and it really touched me. The woman speaks about sexual encounters that leave you scarred not just in a physical way but mental as well. She put these words together in a way that seemed to read straight from my head.
We are taught about STI’s and other sexual health but the part that’s often left out is the protection of the mind. We think we know everything there is to know and believe we are ready for sex….until reality hits us.
I related deeply to this video because I too was that girl…
As she spoke the words “…I wasn’t good enough..” my eyes started to fill. Thinking back on the days when I would dream of perfect companionship only to attract the wrong men disguised as such. I remember being that girl who….didn’t know her worth and…settled for less than I deserved. I mistook lust for love and lack of commitment for “….he just needs time and space…I’ll change him”
I remember sitting home crying speaking to God asking “Why is this happening to me? Is there something wrong with me? Am I able to love?”
I started to give up.
I started to disbelieve LOVE and I started to change they way I thought…”I don’t need love, i’ll keep my guard up, don’t believe or trust men, etc..” and although it helped in a few cases, it internally destroyed me.
I turned cold.
As I got older, realizing I cant live like this, I sought help. This isn’t a healthy lifestyle. I need to be strong! It’s time to change…..and so I did.
Today I am stronger than ever and have found true love. When I was ready, God sent one of his children to me. A man with qualities to reassure the respectable woman in me. He reminded me of my self-worth, love and dignity. I’ve never felt such love and for the first time…I was certain about this one.
The man that will soon become my husband….
I found it a bit difficult to write about this thinking back on all the negative pain inflicted on my life that I buried deep in the back of my brain. I cry…but now they are not tears or sorrow but tears of joy because I have overcame sadness and defeat and found the light of happiness.
A message to my ladies: Never give up hope. Self-love is the best and first true love. Stay strong and beautiful because you are good enough! Treat your body like a temple and reserve it’s purity for that right one.